I'm Sorry
by PadfootObsessed329
Summary: Mostly Presieres. A small secene from Home. What if Mary had made a deal with the demon before the boys were born. Just my take on events of All Hell Breaks Loose and why Mary apologized in Home. Oneshot


A/n: This is just an idea that came to me the other day. I hope you like it. Please review and let me know what you thought.

Title: I'm Sorry

Mary Winchester sat in the her favorite chair, located in the corner of the living rooming room. A letter was clutched in her hand. A letter she had bee n waiting days to receive and now she wished she never would have received it. Two small teardrops escaped her already red eyes and fell onto the document, smudging some of the words. The tears didn't bother Mary though. She had already read the letter three times. The horrible information was already engraved in her brain.

She didn't want to believe what she was reading. She wanted to throw the letter away, forget that she had ever received it and carry on with here life. She wanted to pretend that everything was perfect. That her life was perfect and that soon her and John would be raising a family. Her dream had always been to marry a wonderful man and have a houseful of children. When she had married John, she thought her dream was coming true. Looking at the now damp paper in her hand though, Mary knew that her dream would never be fulfilled.

Mary tried to wipe her eyes, acting as if she hadn't been crying when she heard the sound of John's truck pull into the driveway. She quickly folded the letter and thrust it into her pocket, waiting for John to enter the house. Mary knew that she had to tell John the news, she just didn't think she would be able to bring herself to say it aloud yet.

- x -

John hurried out of the car and quickly made his way to the door. He couldn't wait to see Mary. Ever since they had married two years ago, John couldn't wait until work ended to come home and greet his beautiful wife. He hoped that they would soon be expecting their first child. They had been trying for months, and when they hadn't been successful they had decided to visit the doctor, who in turn had order a couple of test. John couldn't wait to get those result. Once they knew the problem, he and Mary could do what was necessary to start a family.

Opening the door, John stepped into the house, shrugged off his coat and put it into the closet. Turning around, John saw Mary walking towards him, a sad look on her face. Her eyes were puffy and red, and he instantly knew that something was wrong. Taking his wife into his arms, John rubbed her back and placed a soft kiss on the top of her head.

"Mary, honey, what's wrong?" John asked, worried as to what could have reduced his wife to this state.

- x -

From his tone, Mary knew that her husband was worried about her. She tried to answer, but no words would come out. Instead, she pulled out of John's embrace and dug the letter out of her pocket. With tears in her eyes, Mary handed the document over to her husband. The document that would crush his dreams of raising a family.

She watched as John read the document, taking a seat on one of the stairs as he read further on. She watched his face and began to cry more openly when she noticed the tears start to well up in his eyes. By the time John was finished, tears were rolling down his face and Mary was sobbing loudly.

"Oh, Mary," John said as he got up from the step and once again pulled his wife into a hug. He kept thinking about what the letter had said. They couldn't have children. Mary was unable to have children.

"I'm so sorry, John, so sorry." Mary sobbed as her husband held her tighter.

"It's not your fault, Mary. We'll get through this, I promise we'll get through this." John whispered.

- x -

It had been three months since Mary had opened that dreaded document. Three months since she learned that she was physically incapable of having children. She thought that time would allow her to come to terms with this information. She though that as time passed, she would be able to accept that she couldn't a have children and her and John could go on with their lives together, happily. Things hadn't worked out that way, though.

Instead of things getting better over time, things only got worse. The news had been hard for both Mary and John. They had both wanted family so bad, but it seemed that Mary was taking the information a lot worse than John. It had been surprising, and although he wasn't exactly ok with the news, he had been able to accept that he wouldn't be having children of his own. He had suggested adoption to Mary, but she had instantly rejected the idea. Ad optioning a child was a good thing, Mary knew, but she was being stubborn. She didn't want a child with someone else's DNA. She wanted her own child. A child that she and John had created.

Mary knew that she was putting a strain on her marriage, but she couldn't bring herself to care. Her dream had been ruined the day that that letter had come.

- x -

Two more months had passed, and things kept getting worse. Every time she saw a child Mary wanted to break down and cry. She couldn't even go to the grocery store anymore. Seeing a young mother with her children make her heart ache. She knew that she would never be able to have that. To hold a little baby that she could call her own. To show off a little baby that she and John had created was all she ever wanted. And it was the one thing that she knew she would never get.

- x -

Mary could no longer leave the house or even watch the television. Baby's and young children haunted waking hours and at night nightmares took over. She always dreamed that her and John had finally created a baby, only to have it snatched away minutes after it had been born. She didn't even get a chance to see her baby, before it was taken away forever.

Exactly six months, after they had receive the letter. Mary had her unusual nightmare. She went through the pain of labor, knowing that it would all be worth it when she was able to hold her beautiful baby. As her baby entered the world, she heard its cry and she knew that everything was over. The doctor had been wrong and she was going to be able to live her dream anyway. Her baby, however, was wrapped in a blanket and taken out of her room by the doctor. Mary began to cry loudly, knowing that this was the part where she always woke up. Tonight however, a man with dressed in jeans and a dark shirt entered her room and sat in the chair by her bed.

"I can make this stop, Mary. I can give you your baby that you always wanted. You just have to ask." The man said as he looked over her.

"How?" Mary asked, wanting so badly for what the man said to be true. Wanting it so badly, that she ignored his yellow eyes.

"I'll make you a deal. You want a baby and I need a leader, a warrior, for my army. I give you the baby that you always wanted and in turn, you give me my soldier." the man said. "And since I'm feeling charitable, I'll give you two children. Your first child will be yours to raise. You raise him to be the child that you always wanted. The second child will be the one I need. So I give you your child and when I come for my soldier, you let me do what I must. Without interference from you or your family. Do we have a deal?"

"Yes!" Mary said enthusiastically, without a pause. She didn't take a second to consider his deal. He was offering her a child, a child that she was told she would never have. He told her that she would bear his soldier and even though he said that he would take him when the time came, didn't mean that they wouldn't get to raise him. It was possible that she would get to raise her second son. After all, a baby couldn't be a leader in a war.

"Agreed. I hope your happy with your child." The man said, before turning out to leave.

- x -

It had been three months since that dream and Mary couldn't have been happier. That strange man had lifted her curse. He had allowed her and John to have a baby. Rubbing her stomach, where she now knew a baby was growing, Mary smiled across the table at John.

When they had learned the Mary was finally pregnant, their marriage had begun to heal. Mary's attitude towards life changed and instead of crying when she saw young child she smiled. She began buying up baby clothes and furniture, not caring that it was too early to know the sex of the baby. All that mattered was that there was in fact a baby.

- x -

Mary sat in the hospital bed, staring down at the small bundle in her arms. She had done it, they had done it. They had created their own little baby.

"Welcome to the world, Dean Winchester." Mary whispered as she place a kiss on her son's head.

- x -

Dean was everything that John and Mary had ever imagined in a son. He enjoyed helping our his mother in the house, cooking and cleaning when she would let him. Yet, he idolized his father. He watched as his father worked on the cars, and he loved to play catch as often as John was able.

When they had explained to Dean that his mother was pregnant and he was going to have a brother, Dean couldn't have been more excited. He began asking questions about his brother. He asked how big he was going to be, when he would be able to play with him, and he promised that he would always be there to protect his brother from the 'monsters.'

It was because of Dean that Mary knew she had done wrong. She knew that giving up her second son was going to be a mistake. Dean loved his brother already, she couldn't image how he was going to be when 'the yellow eyed man' took him away.

- x -

Once again sitting in a hospital bed, Mary clutched another bundle to her chest. This was the child the man wanted. The child that Mary had just given birth too. The child that she already had fallen in love with. She had doomed his life before he was even born and Mary knew that she would be paying for that for the rest of her life.

"I'm so sorry, Sam." Mary whispered, bringing her baby closer to her.

- x -

Mary became paranoid after Sam's birth. She was waiting for the man to show up and claim what was his. She didn't know if he would come in a couple days or a couple years. All she knew was that she couldn't give her baby up. She wouldn't give Sam up without a fight. Sam was her son, her baby, and deal or no deal, she wasn't just going to let this man take her baby away from his family.

- x -

When the man showed up in Sam's nursery, on his six month birthday, Mary recognized him instantly.

"You!" She seethed, stepping to advance on the man. She found however that she was unable to move and was instead thrown against a wall where she began to rise. She tried to fight it, she tried to get free, but she couldn't. She knew that this was all her fault. The man, the demon, as she had begun to think of him, was here because of her. He was going to take her baby and it was all her fault.

It didn't take long for Mary to realize that she wouldn't be leaving the nursery. She knew that she was going to die. She was going to die a supernatural death, pinned on the ceiling. She went out one last wish that her son's would grow up together, loving and protecting each other.

- x -

When her sons came back home years later, Mary couldn't help but feel relieved. They didn't know that she was there. That her spirit was one of the ones haunting the house, but she was glad none the less. She didn't know how her boys had been all these years, but she was relieved to see that they had ended up together. She was glad to see that they had in fact grown up loving and protecting each other.

Mary had tried to show herself to her boys. To let them know that she was ok, but she hadn't been able to. When Sam was trapped in the house, she knew that this would be her last chance. When Dean came running in to save his little brother, she thought she was done, but Sam stopped him. Sam was able to see her.

She went to Dean first. He was all she had ever imagined he would be. She said his name, allowing herself a small smile before looking at the son that she barely go to know. The son that she had doomed to this life.

"Sam. I'm sorry." She knew that he wouldn't understand. That he didn't know what she was sorry for, but she couldn't bring herself to tell him what she had done. She couldn't have her son, or sons, hating her. So instead, she turned and addressed the poltergeist. She destroyed her spirit to save her son, the son that she had doomed.

A/n: So that's it. I hoped you liked it. Please review and let me know what you thought.


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